U da bomb!

“We’ve got to clear out. There’s a bomb threat,” said S, the lawyer waiting with me for our cases to be called.

I was going to defend a minority shareholder's oppression action before the judge in chambers and had spent the whole week to prepare for the hearing. This cannot be happening. What happens usually is I have back-to-back trials and hearings and my oral submissions usually get the all-nighter treatment. My fervent wish during these anxious moments is usually that I hope the court house gets burned down / bombed / flooded / visited by the Chief Justice to warrant an untimely but welcome adjournment.

But not this morning when I poured my heart and soul into my brilliant submissions, if I may say so myself. I found a 19th century case, not overruled yet, which clearly supports my proposition that shareholder cannot claim that he’s oppressed just because the directors are arseholes (or something to that effect) and I was looking forward to astound my opponents with my resourcefulness.

So we had to go down and gather outside the court complex and wait for instructions. I swear as I went down the lift some of the lawyers were smiling, almost rejoicing at this incident.

I met R, a friend outside. He said, “I wonder which idiot called the bomb squad just to get an adjounrment?”

I replied, “Must have been a desperate bugger.”

Well, let’s add that to the list of “Funky ways to have your trial / hearing adjourned”, which already includes telling the court:

“I can’t remember the combination to my briefcase.”
“My car got broken into and the thief stole my files.” (it’s advisable to support this with a police report).
“My witness refuses to come so I have to issue a subpoena.” (better if the witness is willing to share the RM100 witness allowance with you).
“I have to appear in the Court of Appeal” (can be used only if somebody else in the firm has such an appearance in case the judge wants to see the letter from the Court of Appeal).
“I have severe diarrhea (and I really don’t want to have to prove it to Your Lordship).”
“My client wants to propose a settlement.” (not so funky but judges always look forward to the prospect of settlement to avoid listening to submissions)

Anyway, that was this morning. The case got called again at 2.30 p.m. and the judge told us he didn’t have time to hear it. It got adjourned till 2 months later.

Now I’ve got to prepare for this bloody injunction hearing tomorrow morning which my former legal assistant just dumped on me before he left. I can’t make sense of anything said in these affidavits.

I wonder if Google can find me the bomb squad’s number?